Two Mugs of Coffee & A Bottle of Mountain Dew

today i ran on
two mugs of coffee
& a bottle of mountain dew

& i don’t even like mountain dew
i just buy it when
i need emergency caffeine

i have
sleep problems & sugar addiction
& i know that those seem tame
but i have borderline personality disorder
& maybe some form of a laughing disorder

& i
only feel emotions
at the highest intensity

or no emotions at all

so sugar is one of the few ways
i can make myself instantly happy

when i’m so sad i can’t move but
i’m known for having
childish sugar highs

but shaking & giggling
is one of the few ways
i can reliably feel good
in an instant &

my pantry is stocked with
treats & caffeine.

alternatively also
cbd & camomile.

it’s one of the few ways i can handle
tears on pillowcases

& alarm clock snooze buttons

&
i know it’s not the healthiest
but it’s also not the worst either

what do you do for
overlooked addiction?

mental illness & sugar
aren’t associated together

but to me they very much are

today i ran on
two mugs of coffee
& a bottle of mountain dew

& at least it’s not the worst but

i’m constantly drugging myself with
sleep & awakening.

__

Red Lobster Dew-Garita

recently,
red lobster released the
dew-garita.

it is what it sounds:
a mountain dew
margarita.

because if that sugar & caffeine
wasn’t enough
now there’s shots of hard alcohol

so you can get drunk
& have a sugar high
at the same time

at one (1) of the nicest
chain restaurants.

& yes i know
that mountain dew is disgusting

but i’ll drink it anyway

when energy drinks
don’t cut it

after zero hours of sleep.

before i eat

i’ll quench down two (2) glasses

like it’s nothing

& i know that
i probably shouldn’t be able to do that

if i’m twenty-one

& only just started drinking

if that sugar & caffeine
wasn’t enough
now there’s shots of hard alcohol

but i can be
both an adult
& a child at heart

so i’ll drink
this concoction
of so bad for you

like it’s nothing
because i can

& i won’t always
be able to.

__